Relationships

Relationship Meaning

How we define relationships today is very different from how we defined them 50 to 100 years ago. They can be between people of any gender or gender-non-conformity or race and include more than two people. They can be established online or in person. In the context of romantic partners, a relationship can be defined as:

But what makes us choose our partners?

Types of Relationships in Psychology

While platonic family relationships, friendships and acquaintanceships are largely researched through different approaches in psychology, romantic relationships are also examined. Let's discuss what motivates attraction in romantic and sexual relationships.

Psychologists disagree about what motivates sexual relationships. Some believe attraction is an innate, evolutionary process of sexual selection, motivated by the biological human reproductive behaviour and the need for genes to survive by reproducing.

Others believe attraction is based on self-disclosure, an exchange of personal information leading to trust between partners. Of course, physical attractiveness also plays a part.

Physical attractiveness may be the primary motivator for sexual attraction.

• Filter theory suggests that people go through several filters when selecting a partner, starting with social demography (physical proximity), and ending with similarity in moral values and complementarity in lifestyle and behaviour.

• The matching hypothesis suggests that people are more likely to commit to a romantic relationship with others who they believe are equally as attractive as themselves.

Stages of a Relationship

People can be in different stages of a romantic relationship, from the initial attraction when meeting to the maintenance of the relationship and perhaps then the relationship breakdown. Let's find out what psychological theories can teach us about different aspects of romantic relationships.

How are Relationships Maintained?

There are a few models of relationship maintenance that can be mentioned here. They consider relationships to be an economic exchange of investment, benefit, and cost. There may be a constant struggle between parties, but the exchange should be equitable for a relationship to last.

• Social exchange theory comes from Thibault & Kelly (1959), who suggests people try to get the subjective maximum benefit for the minimum cost in a romantic relationship. If the costs are perceived to be greater than any reward, people will leave.
• Equity theory in relationships states that relationships must be equitable to be satisfactory. If both partners do not give and take equally, the relationship will break down due to feelings of guilt if benefitting more and dissatisfaction from the person who gives more.
• The Investment Model of relationships from Rusbult (2001) develops on the social exchange theory by suggesting that commitment comes from satisfaction, comparison with alternatives and the level of investment perceived about the relationship. High levels of reward, low cost and a lot of investment in the relationship through money, possessions, adventures or happy memories lead to a longer commitment.

Why do Relationships Break Down?

Duck (1988) stated that relationships break down in four stages, called the phase model of relationship breakdown:

1. The Intra-psychic phase involves thinking about the negative aspects of the relationship and perhaps starting to think about breaking up.
2. The Dyadic phase involves speaking about any negative aspects, perhaps leading to arguments.
3. The Social phase involves friends and family becoming involved in the problems of the relationship, perhaps taking sides and encouraging a breakup.
4. The Grave dressing involves partners attempting to make themselves look better post-breakup for reputation's sake, perhaps by implying the breakdown is no fault of their own.

Fig. 2: Relationships break down for a variety of reasons.

Functional Relationships

Who is to say what a functional relationship looks like; it is a widely subjective concept. But how can some relationships diverge from aspects of filter theory (such as proximity/demographic distance) and potentially still be successful? Here we will briefly look at virtual and parasocial relations

Virtual Relationships

There are thousands of dating websites worldwide, but not all virtual relationships are romantic. Nevertheless, it remains the case that online dating accounts form a large number of new relationships these days, but how are virtual relationships formed?

Self-disclosure (sharing personal information) is important in this process. It helps to build trust towards partners.

Sharing things with a potential partner in the absence of gates (characteristics that may impede attraction when people meet in person, e.g., the way someone smells or how they look in person) may speed up the formation of a relationship.

The absence of gating (barriers to a relationship) also help in the formation of a virtual relationship, often making them stronger. Seeing someone in person can result in seeing things that can reduce attraction, such as appearance or mannerisms, that probably won't be noticed in an online relationship.

Parasocial Relationships

Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, such as a fan's adoration of a celebrity. These relationships are explained by psychologists using attachment theory and the absorption-addiction model.

• Attachment theory on the development of parasocial relationships suggests people with insecure and anxious parental attachment styles are more likely to have a parasocial relationship in the form of an obsession with a celebrity or fictional character.
• The absorption addiction model of parasocial relationships suggests that people develop this form of one-sided worship to fulfil some dissatisfaction in their personal lives. The relationship can help provide a sense of purpose or identity.

Fig.3: Parasocial relationships exist between fans and their favourite celebrities.